Wednesday 23 January 2013
Long-haul travel
Long-haul travel has its perks. These days, the choice available to passengers through the on-board entertainment systems is so vast, you barely have time to scroll through the options before its time to touch down. I just got off a flight from Edinburgh to New York during which I opted for the longest film available – Lincoln. A little slow and a tad drawn out but it passed the time.
Before I knew it, I was checking the options for film number two – I had already watched a couple sitcoms, played a terrible game of chess and checked out the extensive music archive.
More importantly, this level of choice can reveal much about your fellow passengers. The two old dolls in front of me, for example, made no attempt to search through the options. Dressed in bright, primary colours as if to draw attention to their vacationing status, they spent the entire flight transfixed to their screens; gambling. I’m no expert, but it looked like they could play a mean hand and were even willing to play during a fairly bumpy landing. I couldn’t tell if they broke even, but they certainly had a good time, cackling and chirping at their online antics.
I stuck to emancipation, and the time flew by.
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You must have flown club class. Long haul anywhere in economy is bloody purgatory. I am invariably seated in the central aisle, rammed between two former Olympic shot putters who have put on weight.
ReplyDeleteBeing hardly sylphlike myself this ensures both maximum discomfort for all and irritation to the shot putters when I need to get out for a pee just after they have both dropped off to sleep. Factor in the screaming infants who are in full cry for at least five hours of the trip and purgatory seems almost tempting, come to think of it.
And, for those who really want to eke out a few remaining ounces of misery why not try a mid winter flight with BA from Heathrow? When the fall of any more than half an inch of snow, even forecasted weeks in advance, can guarantee turning your long haul flight into extremely long haul.
Finally, you fail to mention those unsmiling goons from the US customs and immigration department who treat all non residents as plague carrying members of Al Quaeda. American service goes straight out of the window and the longer these surly oafs can keep you in line the happier they are. No, forgive me. If you turn right on boarding then long haul is a nightmare. Period.
I couldn't possibly comment on the fine fellows at US immigration. My welcome is always thorough and detailed. If their role is to unearth any and every possible threat, they do it with great determination and vigour. What concerns them about a fat, 40-year-old photographer from Scotland escapes me.
ReplyDeleteThey are surly, nasty, uncooperative gits. And if you are to be taken seriously as a blogger then you must comment on this in a more, how shall I put this, macho manner.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for that absurd form when you are asked to tick if you are now or ever have been a card carrying member of the Communist party, responsible for inciting racial hatred or convicted of mass murder, who in their right mind is ever going to say, 'Hey, yup I did all of those and some'? It beggars belief, which is just one of the reasons why I refuse to go there any more. The other because so many of them have turned into born again Christian fascists who would be more at home with white pointy hats on.
But anyway, have a nice day now, and would you like thousand island or blue cheese topping on that?